Welcome to Homestuck
by Cracticusly
Summary: The universe is a gigantic frog with galaxies in its eyes. Welcome to Nightvale.


Listeners, two children entered town today. Witnesses have been calling in saying that they saw the pair appear in a flash of piercing green light, which means it's a pretty normal appearance and there is no need to panic. They proceeded to wander around town. The pair is described as not short nor tall, their hair as pale as moonlight. And for some reason, no one seems to be able to recall their race, or if they even had arms. Their names are unknown, and none of us has seen them anywhere before. Yet, they did not feel like strangers.

Well whatever is the case; listeners, gods, children:

Welcome, to Nightvale

~intro music

The two children, we don't know who they are or why they are here, but we know that they came into town today. They walked down the street, arm in arm, looking around with... approval(?) at the Arby's and, oh you wouldn't believe it, the colourful radio-waves emitting from our very own quaint radio tower, which I am currently broadcasting from. One of them frowned mildly and said something to her companion, probably to show her intrigue towards the miniature city under lane five of the desert flower arcade and fun complex. Oh! This is soooo exciting. More on this as there is more on this.

Next, everyone has seen the flash of white light outside of town that definitely has no relation what so ever to the sudden fleeing of a dozen or so of our winged friends that are most definitely NOT angels. Larry Leroy, out at the edge of town, says that he saw a gray-skinned stranger, no, not one of the sand gollums that occasionally eats our children, but one with horns, a streak of purple hair and webbed ears. Its not fantastically interesting news, to be honest. Nightvale has been visited by a dozen or so grey,horned trolls (which is obviously what they are) through its history, so excuse me if I'm not overwhelmed with excitement. Steven carlsburg has been bugging the phone-line trying to convince me that these trolls are the henchmen of our eternal gods sent to seize control of our planet. Steven, how many times do I have to tell you, they have long since announced their disinterest towards our land (they have their own, vastly superior area of the galaxy) and one, yes, the one that dropped by a decade ago that speaks in clearly articulated sentences had said, in no uncertain words, that they are our allies. Well, she also said that she was dating one of the gods, but I think its safe to assume she didn't mean ALL of them. Not that I would know anything about troll romance now would I.

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All of Josie's friends have fled, so we no longer have to remind ourselves constantly that they do not exist. However, I feel... concerned about our always Angle-less town. What will happen, now that our friends, who also happen to be the owners of a previously large and powerful cooperation that tried to take over Nightvale, are gone? Not to mention they are rich and they fund half of all our radio expenses. The equipments' Half-lives are kinda short.

Anyways, remember the troll? Well, he looked at our town, nodded at the purple hues currently hanging in the air, and left in the direction the definitely-not-angles headed. He looked a little murderous, so I recommend you not ogle at him from your Oracle mirror until he's at least a hundred miles away from our town.

Next is a broadcast about you. There was a knock, so you opened the door. Two children stood there. There was no one on the streets because all of us are drilled with the standard procedure towards interlopers: hide until we finish analysing the enemy, then attack simultaneously when one of the eternal scouts run screaming through our neighbourhood. However, since they didn't Feel like interlopers, everyone is just hiding at home in a mixture of confusion and fear, not knowing what to do. You, however, escaped the last secret drill meeting by pretending to be a bagel, so you are evidently less practiced as the rest us. You stared at the children and they stared back at you. Then they looked at the radio that was narrating your life the exact moment its happening and I am feeling so happy right now that they noticed. Flattered, even. You are frozen at the spot on your front door, brain slowed to a crawl and ironically bad drawings you know you will never truly understand floods your mind because your mind is weak and the gods are strong. Also because the Timekeeper likes to mess with people. Having gotten whatever information they were looking for, either from your mind or by the dust trail left by the nonexistent angels, the children left. You stayed there rooted for another hour. Oh the horrors you have seen. Its not that bad, really. You should stop being such a wuss.

This is a public service announcement. The secret police would like to remind everyone not to pray in your bloodstone circle for an answer to the children's unconfirmed godhood. Those who did have all found themselves victims to the horror-terrors and the secret police fears they may never recover. For all our safety, Nightvale, the secret police have put a ban on praying in your bloodstone circles at all for the duration of the children's visit. Besides, theres no point praying to the gods if they are already here.

Speaking of horror-terrors, let's take a look at the weather.

[Dold waltz]


End file.
